Talking To Our Kids About Money

By David Cunningham – Landmark Communication Expert

Talking about money issues with children can be challenging. It can be particularly tough when you have to tell them they cannot have something they want, such as during a financially tight holiday season.  Communications expert David Cunningham offers these tips to make it easier:

First, Really Listen

Many parents talk first and listen later. Cunningham recommends flip flopping that for more effective communication. “If children get upset because they’re not going to be able to get something they really want, it’s important to first really listen and focus on your child’s concerns, instead of thinking about what you’re going to say,” he says. “That’s a great way to talk to children about anything, and it’s particularly helpful when discussing money.”

Address Their Concerns

A pitfall parents get into is when they try to justify, explain or argue with their children and don’t speak to their concerns. “You invalidate what they’re concerned about by saying things like, ‘I can’t believe you’re worried about your doll, when our mortgage is late,’ Cunningham says. “However, what’s important in your child’s world is whether they’ll get that toy, not the status of your mortgage payment.” So what’s a parent to do? “Give your kids some space and breathing room to go through what they need to go through.

If you’re 10 and wanting to know why you can’t go somewhere or have something, it’s a legitimate concern. The doll matters when you’re 8. The concert matters when you’re 16. Seeing and addressing these concerns can strengthen your family. Your children’s concerns are valid. The opportunity here is to create a way for your child to see how they fit inside the family unit and then see how they can contribute to the overall family finances and well-being. It’s important to let them know how it’s going to impact them directly.”

Talk Straight

“If a child is asking something, and the answer is ‘no,’ parents often try to soften the blow by saying ‘not now’ or ‘maybe later.’  It actually helps the child (and frankly you as the parent) when you just say ‘no’ and then it’s decided and clear,” Cunningham says. “If during the holidays, a child expresses interest in a particular toy or item and the family cannot afford it, simply talk straight about how the family budget is tight and work to find creative solutions to save money as a family to afford it over time. Create a game where the kids clip coupons and that money is saved for something they really want to buy later.”